I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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