this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
