Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize