Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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