The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
