Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
