i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
