I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Houston, we have a blender
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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