oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
