Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
