I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize