He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I love having hate sex.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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