jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
