i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
