Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize