Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
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