2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
