It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
