At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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