I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
