it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
