i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
