last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
