I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
