the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
