It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
