I met the friendliest cop last night
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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