I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
