The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
