It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
