You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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