I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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