i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
