I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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