Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize