From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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