So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
