I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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