she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
