i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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