I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
