I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize