please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
