bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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