wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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