don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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