dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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