She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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