I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
