Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
