i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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