he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
