he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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