dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
