Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
