ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
