A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
