I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
