doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
