omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
