I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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