Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
