maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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