and next time when you feel me up, do it right
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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