Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
