if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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