if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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