the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
