look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
