We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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