dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
