I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
