I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
