smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
