I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
