There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
