i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The struggles of a small town man whore
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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