I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Blood and glitter go together right?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
